I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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