Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
