So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
