Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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