I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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