Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
