Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
