I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
