Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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