Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
