oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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