People with herpes should wear stickers.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize