i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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