listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
