I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
