True but thats because hes a fetus.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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