A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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