Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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