I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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