I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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