We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
