I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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