I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
