WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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