I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
