He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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