Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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