lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
