Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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