8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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