I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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