Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
