I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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