too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
