dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
