this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
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So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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