I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
