ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
