question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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