god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
