Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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