You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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