Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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