Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
