I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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