im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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