he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I supernannyed him into submission
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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