Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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