im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
