AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize