i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
