1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
