I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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