you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
