I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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