Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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