i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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