my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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