I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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