I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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